Comments on: The Apocalypse of Blythe

By: Toothy

Toothy — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 12:48:28 +0000

Great! Quite different to Oasis and I guess I did need a brake from scary zombies and aliens. I found two little mistakes (I think).
“Shouldn’t have to work so hard.”s. Still, not one”
Not sure about the S, and the other one is
“It frightened her not to know what.b She began”
There’s a little b there.
Keep it up

By: Georgene

Georgene — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 22:02:40 +0000

Hi Bryce,
Loved this, would like to see more of the same…

Found a typo toward the bottom “She was unprotected, alone, and afraid. There was nothing to distract her form it.”

Should be, “…to distract her from it.”

By: Bryce Beattie

Bryce Beattie — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 21:34:50 +0000

Thanks for those typo corrections.

This’ll be a short one. I’m going to do short stories while I’m editing Oasis. Then I’ll dive in another long project.

By: DarcKnyt

DarcKnyt — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 23:10:21 +0000

Nice! A li’l Rob Howard-esque action, eh? I like the middle ages feel and description of the back-aching, puke-stench work of a tavern wench. Great job with the feel of this piece.

Is this destined to be a long-running piece, like Oasis, or will it be just a few parts to keep us happy until your next major project?

Either way, it’s got a great hook. You did a nice job showing the antagonist as a jerk, and getting your readers to empathize with the young protag, too. Nice work, bud!

I found a couple of typos for you:

Blythe felt the anger well up in side of her.

t was stacked floor to sealing with casks of varying size.
This should be ceiling.

By: Vanessa

Vanessa — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 16:59:11 +0000

I despise Garron already!