Comments on: How to talk to a parent that has lost a child. http://www.storyhack.com/2008/10/15/how-to-talk-to-a-parent-that-has-lost-a-child/ Action Adventure Fiction and Other Stuff from Bryce Beattie Wed, 08 Feb 2012 11:04:28 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Mark http://www.storyhack.com/2008/10/15/how-to-talk-to-a-parent-that-has-lost-a-child/comment-page-1/#comment-45634 Mark Wed, 23 Nov 2011 14:04:02 +0000 http://www.storyhack.com/?p=316#comment-45634 I have a school friend who drowned in May. His name was Niall Pawsey and he drowned trying to swim the Thames whilst drunk. It's been a terrible loss and has been very difficult to talk about. It has been especially hard because I am away on a gap-year and have not been able to attend the funeral. I have a school friend who drowned in May. His name was Niall Pawsey and he drowned trying to swim the Thames whilst drunk. It’s been a terrible loss and has been very difficult to talk about.

It has been especially hard because I am away on a gap-year and have not been able to attend the funeral.

]]> By: Aurora Beattie » Blog Archive » Another Year Without Him http://www.storyhack.com/2008/10/15/how-to-talk-to-a-parent-that-has-lost-a-child/comment-page-1/#comment-45186 Aurora Beattie » Blog Archive » Another Year Without Him Tue, 15 Nov 2011 00:44:29 +0000 http://www.storyhack.com/?p=316#comment-45186 [...] http://www.storyhack.com/2008/10/15/how-to-talk-to-a-parent-that-has-lost-a-child/ [...] [...] http://www.storyhack.com/2008/10/15/how-to-talk-to-a-parent-that-has-lost-a-child/ [...]

]]> By: Ernie Laughlin http://www.storyhack.com/2008/10/15/how-to-talk-to-a-parent-that-has-lost-a-child/comment-page-1/#comment-32583 Ernie Laughlin Tue, 30 Aug 2011 22:50:45 +0000 http://www.storyhack.com/?p=316#comment-32583 Hi, Bryce. Articles like yours should be required reading for everyone. Sadly, I've experienced some of the well-intended but ill-spoken comments you have mentioned. Worse, though, are the people with horse blinds on so they can only look straight ahead. I want to scream that my girls died, but I didn't! Melanie was 32 when she died on September 20, 2009 and Jennifer was 28 when she died on July 16, 2011. I know God is fair and just. I know God has a plan for this world. I know God probably didn’t “take” my girls, as the world is full of bad choices and sin from the right of free will. Still, right now it doesn’t seem fair. We worried for two years about both of them; we suffered Mel’s death; we grieved for Mel and worried about Jenn for almost two years; Jenn lived with guilt about her sister’s death for almost two years; now we’ve suffered Jenn’s death and we’ll grieve for both of them for the rest of our living days. Where is the fairness? What is the good that will come of these tragedies? Why did God give me a heart to love and grieve but not enough wisdom to understand His ways? My mind understands, as I’ve come to accept so much about my God on faith alone. But my heart and soul are broken and confused. Brenda and I will survive, and we’ll hold on to our faith; it is all that got us through losing Mel and it will get us through this, also. But fairness? I know, if there was fairness, our sinful ways would earn us eternal punishment, not the forgiveness and mercy of a loving and sacrificial God. But right now we just want our girls back. We are very thankful for our grandson and will cherish him until we die. Yet the future seems so bleak without our children. And I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I know you will always miss him and grieve for him. We have a couple in our Compassionate Friends group whose daughter was stillborn over 21 years ago. My two girls died from complications due to drugs, an initial choice, and your son suffered through no fault of his own. Yet we still have this terrible pain in common. Once I learned the frightening realities of heroin and methamphetamine addiction, I grieved as though they were already dead for two years. And once Mel died, I had little hope for Jenn. But they weren’t monsters; they weren’t wild kids from the “sleazy” part of town. They were your next door neighbors, your girl scouts, your cheerleaders, just good, sensitive, compassionate, loving girls. Our girls. It only took a few wrong choices to drag them under so far that they couldn’t see the perils they were in. We miss them so very much. Sorry for the rambling, but it's good to "talk" even if it's only one-way. God bless you, Ernie (and Brenda) Laughlin Hi, Bryce. Articles like yours should be required reading for everyone. Sadly, I’ve experienced some of the well-intended but ill-spoken comments you have mentioned. Worse, though, are the people with horse blinds on so they can only look straight ahead. I want to scream that my girls died, but I didn’t! Melanie was 32 when she died on September 20, 2009 and Jennifer was 28 when she died on July 16, 2011. I know God is fair and just. I know God has a plan for this world. I know God probably didn’t “take” my girls, as the world is full of bad choices and sin from the right of free will. Still, right now it doesn’t seem fair. We worried for two years about both of them; we suffered Mel’s death; we grieved for Mel and worried about Jenn for almost two years; Jenn lived with guilt about her sister’s death for almost two years; now we’ve suffered Jenn’s death and we’ll grieve for both of them for the rest of our living days. Where is the fairness? What is the good that will come of these tragedies? Why did God give me a heart to love and grieve but not enough wisdom to understand His ways? My mind understands, as I’ve come to accept so much about my God on faith alone. But my heart and soul are broken and confused. Brenda and I will survive, and we’ll hold on to our faith; it is all that got us through losing Mel and it will get us through this, also. But fairness? I know, if there was fairness, our sinful ways would earn us eternal punishment, not the forgiveness and mercy of a loving and sacrificial God. But right now we just want our girls back. We are very thankful for our grandson and will cherish him until we die. Yet the future seems so bleak without our children.

And I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I know you will always miss him and grieve for him. We have a couple in our Compassionate Friends group whose daughter was stillborn over 21 years ago. My two girls died from complications due to drugs, an initial choice, and your son suffered through no fault of his own. Yet we still have this terrible pain in common. Once I learned the frightening realities of heroin and methamphetamine addiction, I grieved as though they were already dead for two years. And once Mel died, I had little hope for Jenn. But they weren’t monsters; they weren’t wild kids from the “sleazy” part of town. They were your next door neighbors, your girl scouts, your cheerleaders, just good, sensitive, compassionate, loving girls. Our girls. It only took a few wrong choices to drag them under so far that they couldn’t see the perils they were in. We miss them so very much.

Sorry for the rambling, but it’s good to “talk” even if it’s only one-way.

God bless you,

Ernie (and Brenda) Laughlin

]]> By: Ruth http://www.storyhack.com/2008/10/15/how-to-talk-to-a-parent-that-has-lost-a-child/comment-page-1/#comment-31930 Ruth Thu, 25 Aug 2011 20:36:39 +0000 http://www.storyhack.com/?p=316#comment-31930 Thank you so much for sharing your story and the fantastic advice you have written. I googled "what to say to someone who has lost a child" and your's was the 3rd and by far the best response I have read. My friends in Australia (I am in London, England) have just lost their 10 year old son and I want to contact them but had no idea what to say. Your advice will be followed closely and I will be eternally grateful. I was moved to tears by your story and would echo some of the other comments here - you are obviously amazing people who dispite having suffered greatly, have the kindness to want to help others through their own difficult times. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Ruth Thank you so much for sharing your story and the fantastic advice you have written. I googled “what to say to someone who has lost a child” and your’s was the 3rd and by far the best response I have read.

My friends in Australia (I am in London, England) have just lost their 10 year old son and I want to contact them but had no idea what to say.

Your advice will be followed closely and I will be eternally grateful.

I was moved to tears by your story and would echo some of the other comments here – you are obviously amazing people who dispite having suffered greatly, have the kindness to want to help others through their own difficult times.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Ruth

]]> By: Chamila http://www.storyhack.com/2008/10/15/how-to-talk-to-a-parent-that-has-lost-a-child/comment-page-1/#comment-31271 Chamila Wed, 17 Aug 2011 10:47:44 +0000 http://www.storyhack.com/?p=316#comment-31271 Thank you for this. My Best friends son died at age 8 just 3 weeks after she gave birth to her 2nd. I am overseas and coudnt muster enough courage to talk to her even for weeks. But now I have finally decided to go and see and was searching the net to see what to say to her. This is so helpful in not saying the wrong thing. I grieve your loss and pray for strength. Thank you for this. My Best friends son died at age 8 just 3 weeks after she gave birth to her 2nd. I am overseas and coudnt muster enough courage to talk to her even for weeks. But now I have finally decided to go and see and was searching the net to see what to say to her. This is so helpful in not saying the wrong thing. I grieve your loss and pray for strength.

]]> By: Pete Cl http://www.storyhack.com/2008/10/15/how-to-talk-to-a-parent-that-has-lost-a-child/comment-page-1/#comment-29103 Pete Cl Mon, 20 Jun 2011 09:04:20 +0000 http://www.storyhack.com/?p=316#comment-29103 same if we talk to sad man, it's so hard same if we talk to sad man, it’s so hard

]]> By: Rose http://www.storyhack.com/2008/10/15/how-to-talk-to-a-parent-that-has-lost-a-child/comment-page-1/#comment-24987 Rose Sat, 04 Jun 2011 01:55:09 +0000 http://www.storyhack.com/?p=316#comment-24987 Thanks for writing this. I think this will be helpful My moms son just died. Thanks for writing this. I think this will be helpful My moms son just died.

]]> By: Darrell Davis http://www.storyhack.com/2008/10/15/how-to-talk-to-a-parent-that-has-lost-a-child/comment-page-1/#comment-19715 Darrell Davis Thu, 27 Jan 2011 22:01:59 +0000 http://www.storyhack.com/?p=316#comment-19715 We lost our first grandchild Morgan to stillbirth in 2005. Our daughter went thru 3 days of labor to deliver that beautiful little girl knowing she would never open her eyes to glorious beauty of God's creation. It was so painful to lose our granddaughter, but it was equally hurtful not being able to make it better for our daughter. It was the most helpless feeling I have ever had. When our daughter asked us to hold Morgan and love her, I wasn't sure I could, but at that point in my life there was nothing I wouldn't do for her. As painful as it was, I would take nothing for time. We had to give her back, but were left with the memory of her rosy little cheeks and curly blond hair. God responded to our pain by giving us a grandson. Our daughter and her husband named him Samuel, which means "gift from God". And even at 3years old, feisty and full of mischief and energy, he trully is God's gift. It is so important in difficult times to be able to lean on your friends and trust that God will get you through. We lost our first grandchild Morgan to stillbirth in 2005. Our daughter went thru 3 days of labor to deliver that beautiful little girl knowing she would never open her eyes to glorious beauty of God’s creation. It was so painful to lose our granddaughter, but it was equally hurtful not being able to make it better for our daughter. It was the most helpless feeling I have ever had. When our daughter asked us to hold Morgan and love her, I wasn’t sure I could, but at that point in my life there was nothing I wouldn’t do for her. As painful as it was, I would take nothing for time. We had to give her back, but were left with the memory of her rosy little cheeks and curly blond hair. God responded to our pain by giving us a grandson. Our daughter and her husband named him Samuel, which means “gift from God”. And even at 3years old, feisty and full of mischief and energy, he trully is God’s gift. It is so important in difficult times to be able to lean on your friends and trust that God will get you through.

]]> By: Sheri Perl http://www.storyhack.com/2008/10/15/how-to-talk-to-a-parent-that-has-lost-a-child/comment-page-1/#comment-19442 Sheri Perl Sat, 15 Jan 2011 04:32:08 +0000 http://www.storyhack.com/?p=316#comment-19442 It’s agonizing to lose a child. I lost my son Danny on July 1, 2008 to an overdose. He was 22. In dedication to him I formed The Prayer Registry for parents who have lost children. This free website service is dedicated to all of the families who have lost children, whatever age that child was when they passed. This site registers the anniversary day of our children's crossing. The members of this online community, the Prayer Team, have the opportunity to honor their child's legacy and connect with other bereaved parents to participate in world-wide group prayer for every registered loved one on the anniversary day of their passing. To learn more see my website: www.sheriperl.com. To register a child for prayer, email Sheri at theprayerregistry@gmail.com. I need only your child’s full name along with the date that he or she passed to ensure that your child receives prayer every year on the anniversary day of his or her passing. It’s agonizing to lose a child. I lost my son Danny on July 1, 2008 to an overdose. He was 22. In dedication to him I formed The Prayer Registry for parents who have lost children.

This free website service is dedicated to all of the families who have lost children, whatever age that child was when they passed. This site registers the anniversary day of our children’s crossing. The members of this online community, the Prayer Team, have the opportunity to honor their child’s legacy and connect with other bereaved parents to participate in world-wide group prayer for every registered loved one on the anniversary day of their passing. To learn more see my website: http://www.sheriperl.com.

To register a child for prayer, email Sheri at theprayerregistry@gmail.com. I need only your child’s full name along with the date that he or she passed to ensure that your child receives prayer every year on the anniversary day of his or her passing.

]]> By: Ellen http://www.storyhack.com/2008/10/15/how-to-talk-to-a-parent-that-has-lost-a-child/comment-page-1/#comment-13266 Ellen Fri, 27 Aug 2010 04:20:03 +0000 http://www.storyhack.com/?p=316#comment-13266 One of my close friends just lost her child in an accident, at least now I now how to comfort her. One of my close friends just lost her child in an accident, at least now I now how to comfort her.

]]>