Comments on: The Journey of St. Laurent, Chapter 3

By: Toothy

Toothy — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 15:47:25 +0000

I meant the two sentences at the end.

By: Toothy

Toothy — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 15:45:53 +0000

Wow. Two sentences from Martin and I’m already feeling angry and annoyed at him for some reason. You manage to make everything interesting even though there isn’t a lot of action. Well done.

By: Bryce Beattie

Bryce Beattie — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 21:28:16 +0000

Actually, having online proofreaders is great. It’s way cheaper than hiring somebody.

So thanks.

And no need for you to self-efface around here. My writing’s been picked apart by way worse authors than you.

By: DarcKnyt

DarcKnyt — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 20:56:36 +0000

Excellent! Great close. It sure didn’t take long for Corbin to run into yet another jackass, did it? The dude’s a jerk magnet.

Nice work, bud.

Side notes/nitpicks: “Pine-Sol” is a brand name, and should be capitalized (even if their stylized bottle logo isn’t).

The tram had a single cabin, with the front section arranged with benched on opposite sides…
This should be “benches” … which, just FYI, is used several times in this chapter. Just a heads-up; might want to re-word one or two.

How would delivering this package to Alan Jex possibly help the situation? Who was to say he would even do anything about it. But, I had given my word …
I think that should be a question mark.

Don’t you love being proofread by people without any writing ability or credentials?

Seriously, though, this is a great chapter. There’s a great touch of teasing tension (how’s that for alliteration?) strewn throughout, and it never lets the reader relax.

The kicker at the end was a great jolt.

Well done, Bryce. Can’t wait for the next installment.