Comments on: The Journey Of St. Laurent, Chapter 5

By: Linda

Linda — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 00:17:23 +0000

Hmmm…not what I expected but —A GOOD !! not what I expected.
What a great cliff-hanger! …..”Why would the Military send him to that talk show host if he would redicule and demean Corbin like that”?
Can’t wait to read more!
~~Linda~~

By: Ballsack McNasty

Ballsack McNasty — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 21:45:11 +0000

So far, so damn good. A couple of errors I caught:

-He onto a scrap of paper. “How much time, Rhett?”- He what onto a scrap of paper?

-They’d even come up survivors to lie on the Alan Jex show.- They’d even come up WITH survivors, you mean?

Alright! Back to it!

By: Toothy

Toothy — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 16:16:55 +0000

I think I found a little mistake- “and a on grand scale”
Isn’t it supposed to be “and on a grand scale”
The paragraph starts like this- “As soon as the commercial ended, Jex jumped right in.”

By: Bryce Beattie

Bryce Beattie — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 16:01:46 +0000

Kristy – whoops. I changed his last name in between writing that and this chapter and apparently I didn’t update every instance. Thanks for the catch.

By: Kristy

Kristy — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 15:27:47 +0000

A benefit of starting at the beginning (again) and reading through is that you sometimes catch continuity errors.

The Major tells him in Chapter 2 (?) that he has to get the message to Alan Jax, but subsequent chapters refer to him as Alan Jex.

Also, should Senate be capitalized?

By: girl

girl — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 05:28:51 +0000

Please sir. I want some more.

By: Zombit Hobbit

Zombit Hobbit — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 20:27:33 +0000

Awesome, as usual. Thank you, Bryce.

Only one really, really bad part. Next Friday is a whole week away. I hate waiting. Must have more! lol.

By: DarcKnyt

DarcKnyt — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 19:27:49 +0000

Woo-hoo! Conspiracists and radio show hosts who are jag-offs? Who’da thunk it?

A nice entry, Bryce. One tiny typo I found:

The secretary looked up at me. “Don’t worry, most guests leave the studio looking lake that.”

Great job. And when is Corbin going to go live on a mountaintop and stay away from the rest of humanity? Nothing ever goes right for the poor guy. I’d've given up years ago.

Can’t wait for next week!