Comments on: The Journey Of St. Laurent, Chapter 8

By: Ballsack McNasty

Ballsack McNasty — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 13:57:08 +0000

Eye kawts me Anutha errah, massah:

-I let an older get in front of me and I tensed up a little in case anybody started pushing from behind in their hurry to escape.- An older what?

By: Toothy

Toothy — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 16:41:05 +0000

Great chapter. I always feel a strange satisfaction when the main character of the story I’m reading equips themselves. No idea why… Keep it up!

By: girl

girl — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 03:47:27 +0000

very good – but don’t leave us hanging on the cliff too long!!

By: Bryce Beattie

Bryce Beattie — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 16:31:34 +0000

Darcknyt – Thanks for those catches. What would I do with out you?

And the show vs. tell – I wasn’t totally satisfied with this chapter, possibly for that reason. I suppose that’s what editing is for. I’m just hungry to get out of the backstory/setup section and into the “run for your life” section of the story.

By: john

john — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 02:23:05 +0000

figgen nice man and good luck with the baby you havve our suport

By: DarcZombie

DarcZombie — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 16:49:38 +0000

Great work as always Bryce!!!

By: Zombie Hobbit

Zombie Hobbit — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 16:14:43 +0000

Maybe a coincidence, but the SciFi channel is premiering War of the Worlds 2 tonight. Spooky.

Great Chapter, Bryce.

By: Glenn

Glenn — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 13:42:11 +0000

Truly excellent chapter Bryce! As always, you have me looking forward to next Friday, and the weekend has just begun!

By: DarcKnyt

DarcKnyt — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 07:40:06 +0000

Great amount of coverage in this installment. It did feel a little “tell” vs. “show”, but that’s MHO. I liked the chaotic feel too.

And, as for typos:

A let an older get in front of me and I tensed up a little in case anybody started pushing from behind in their hurry to escape.
I think you meant “I” here.

“The unprepared. The sheep. The ones that think everything is always going to be all right,and that think government will prevent things from getting too bad.”
Missing a space in this bit.

It was up loud enough that I could have sung along if I was in to whiny pop music.
This should be “into”.

Great job, B!