Comments on: The Journey of St. Laurent, Chapter 13

By: Devin obenshain

Devin obenshain — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 18:48:50 +0000

dude u should totaly pute a twist on the book and some how have this alien thing spread the virus again but this time its worse and best of all the goverment couldnt hide this one lol.just an idea.i think it would open up for a third book of basicley an apoptolictic story when everything turns to sh*t u know

By: Glenn

Glenn — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 12:25:13 +0000

Bryce,
Though I’m all about the zombie hoards and the walking dead in general, this book of yours is outfrickingstanding!!! As you write it, it just keeps getting better and better!! Keep up the great work and I can’t wait for next Friday.

A Fan Always,
Glenn

By: girl

girl — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 01:50:14 +0000

Wow!

By: The Journey of St. Laurent, Chapter 12 - Story Hack

The Journey of St. Laurent, Chapter 12 - Story Hack — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 21:03:49 +0000

[...] goes nothing. Keep reading! Chapter 13 is here. If you enjoy this stuff, let others [...]

By: Bryce Beattie

Bryce Beattie — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 17:06:58 +0000

You know, because “man angry” and “woman angry” look different…

By: Bryce Beattie

Bryce Beattie — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 16:56:30 +0000

Yikes. That what happens when I’m in too big of a hurry to proof before posting.

Thanks.

By: darcknyt

darcknyt — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 16:47:51 +0000

Wow. This was incredibly intense. Watching the aliens attack would certainly be a jarring experience, and to see the mass destruction inflicted live … gives some idea of how the commentator covering the Hindenburg landing must have felt.

I thought you did a great job of depicting the scenes in this. And the scarred conscience of a young girl after shooting someone. Bravo for allowing the reader to see the repercussion.

During all that greatness, a few typos occurred:

…but she didn’t look like she was going to brake down anymore.
This should be “break”.

We have no word on casualties or the extent of damage is just yet, but as you can see…
I think you can drop the “is” here and this will be fine; or you can add “what” before “the extent” and fix it that way. Author’s choice.

It didn’t look like they can just collapsed with fire, it was like someone …
Can the “can” and you’re good here.

Were getting video of the destruction now.”
This should be “we’re”.

The bottom had man angry-looking lights.
I think you meant “many” here? I wasn’t entirely sure.

Another great job, Bryce! Bravo, author!