Comments on: The Journey of St. Laurent, Chapter 18

By: Georgene

Georgene — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 21:57:19 +0000

Hi Bryce,
Really good book all the way through so far. Found one grammatical error not mentioned above:

“It never mattered to me whether or not the folks that came in on stretchers deserved to be saved”…it should read, “…the folks who can in” (People are “who” and objects are “that”)

By: Randa

Randa — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 18:38:57 +0000

Good chapter!
Towards the end though, it says,
The fuel gauge caught me eye.
I think you meant the fuel gauge caught my eye….
=]

By: RobSmith

RobSmith — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 10:27:37 +0000

Another great chapter, now it’s back to the ever present tension you give us as to what happens next in the story.

Also,

DarcKnyt “‘I had already drug her and her brother through the ringer.’
I’m not sure about this, but I think this should be “dragged”.”

I agree with DK here, ‘drug’ doesn’t seem right.

By: Toothy

Toothy — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 09:34:45 +0000

I have to agree with Jordan Johnson about London’s annoying behaviour, but at least Corbin managed to get the virus. I can’t wait to see what this would lead to…
“Fortunately, the answer would present itself soon enough.”
Keep it up

By: Sasquatch

Sasquatch — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 03:00:10 +0000

Keep up the good work, looking forward to another segment. I really like how you tied it all in with the beginning to.

By: girl

girl — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 02:02:18 +0000

Very exciting! I can’t believe something actually worked out in Corbin’s favor!

One more typo: “Up ahead, The green Honda became more and more like a speck.” The “T” in “The” should be lower case.

By: DarcKnyt

DarcKnyt — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 00:03:11 +0000

GREAT job of tying this back around to the opening, Bryce. Very well executed, and now the story thread continues. This is excellent work.

I, however, did find a few things … such as is my wont.

Michael kept pumping his fists above his hands in the air and…
I think this should be “head”.

I clenched my jaw and did by best to push the gas…
This should be “my”.

Before I could break down, though[,] the green speck…
The commas here are acting sort of like parentheses, so there should be two of them; one on each side of “though”.

Now I just felt angry that he didn’t suffer more before dieing.
That’s “dying”.

I had already drug her and her brother through the ringer.
I’m not sure about this, but I think this should be “dragged”.

Other than these few minor glitches, you’ve got a nice chapter here, bud.

By: Jordan Johnson

Jordan Johnson — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 21:49:12 +0000

another awesome installment. I didn’t see any errors but I may be wrong. Some times I wish Corbin would just slap London because the way she acts. I’m loving the story so far Bryce. Can’t wait to read the next chapter