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The Journey of St. Laurent, Chapter 53

Author’s note – For those of you who have never read any of the Journey Of St. Laurent before: You are now reading an online serial pulp novel. If you didn’t start at the beginning, you may want to do so. Chapter 1:  Down By The Bay. In fact, if you are new to the site, you probably want to start with the first novel, Oasis. If you want to know just as soon as I’ve posted something new, you can watch the RSS feed or follow me on Twitter.

Mal, Devin, Bored Robot, DarcKnyt – belated happy Easter to you all, too.

I love getting comments.

Chapter 53: Jail Time

I turned away from the stacks of food and checked back down the corridor.

Far ahead, the group turned left.

As soon as the final lamp-carrying alien disappeared from view, I stepped out into the hall. The lantern’s glow coming out of the intersecting corridor was nowhere near bright enough to see where I was stepping.

Still, I hustled as fast as I could, but I didn’t want to run if I could help it. The floor was unlit and uneven and I didn’t want to trip like Rhett. Plus, it wouldn’t do to get too close – the aliens would surely hear me. On the other hand, if I lost them entirely, there’d be no way for me to find London before Rhett succumbed completely to the zombie virus.

Here and again my left shoulder brushed against the wall. I wondered why they had bothered to put the metal coating on it and not the floor.

The light had dimmed to almost nothing before I reached the intersection. My friends and their captors had already made a right hand turn in another of the endless shafts.

I’d better speed up. The half walk, half jog motions tugged the skin at the clotted ends of my side wounds. It hurt, to be sure, but I was more worried about them opening up again than the pain.

As I continued my pursuit, the background noise increased in volume. What is that? Do they have power in part of the base?

My hustle paid off. I saw the last alien of the group turn left into a lighted corridor. I was close enough I could have thrown a rock and hit him.

The ever-present noise grew even louder and I finally identified it.

It’s voices. That’s the sound of a crowd. Most of the aliens must be gathered close.

I hoped against hope that they were treating the alien I had bitten nearby. After all, the bigger the crowd, the more potential bite victims, the bigger the panic. I wondered how long I’d have to wait before Rhett and it turned into mindless fleshy virus-spreading machines.

A part of my guts winced at the thought of using Rhett as a weapon.

I ran to the corner of the lighted corridor and peeked around the edge. This hallway wasn’t terribly long, maybe half a football field. Several lanterns placed on the floor along the sides gave it a decidedly spooky appearance. The floor here was not dirt, rock, and debris like the rest of the base, but polished concrete. Shadowy doorways lined both sides passage about fifteen feet apart. The hallway turned sharply to the right at the end. The place smelled like brushed metal and machine oil.

The aliens marched their captives about two thirds of the way down the hall and stopped. Rhett wobbled back and forth with his head hung low and his shoulders drooped. London still held herself like she might punch an alien in its tiny mouth at any moment. Her head darted from right to left as she hurled insults at the aliens. She used a number of terms that a respectable school teacher shouldn’t even know.

The last pair of lanterns were placed pretty close to the end of the hallway. I wasn’t in darkness like I had been the rest of this pursuit. That meant if one of the aliens looked back, it might actually see me.

I crouched down. I know it’s dumb, but somehow that made me feel more concealed.

One of the aliens walked to the wall on my side and fiddled with something and then pushed. I couldn’t see for certain, but I was pretty sure he had just opened a door.

A door? Why does that seem weird? I thought back and couldn’t remember seeing any actual doors anywhere else in the alien base. Did the aliens have something against privacy, or was it more the practical matter of moving breathable air around?

An alien with a rifle prodded Rhett toward the now open doorway. He stumbled on in without resistance or incident.

My mind raced for a plan. They were sure to head back this way sooner or later. Probably sooner with my luck.

I could back up to one of the dark hallways and wait around a corner. No, I need to have some idea of what they’re doing. Plus, I don’t want to get lost.

I could stay put and spring on them when they did come back. That’s problematic, too. Who knows how many will come back at a time? Even with the element of surprise I didn’t think I could quickly and quietly take more than one at a time in the open hallway. I’m not a ninja.

I rolled back and rested against the wall.

That left one option: make a mad dash for one of the darkened doorways. Once inside, I could remain hidden until some of them went back for more supplies or I could think up a better plan or something.

I peered around the corner one more time.

An alien grabbed London’s upper arm and half dragged her toward the same place they had forced Rhett.

London thrashed, yelled, kicked and spat. All alien eyes were focused on her.

My heart pounded like it was trying to get out of my chest. Now or never. I pulled my pistol from it’s holster and stepped into the lighted corridor.

Any noise I made was washed away by London’s commotion and the echoed alien cocktail party. The aliens didn’t look back, but London must have seen me, because she redoubled her efforts.

One of the aliens raised his gun and hit London over the head with it. She went limp. The alien that held her arm lifted her and wrapped his arm around her waist.

I went for broke and ran for the second doorway on the right. The full cargo pockets on my pants whipped around and alternated clanging into the front and back of my legs.

The last thing I saw was the alien tossing London onto the floor.

Once inside my chosen room, I jumped to the left and pressed my back against the wall.

The aliens outside laughed their infuriating laugh.

I closed my eyes and fought to control my wild breathing and trembling hands.

The hard clank of a metal door slamming shook the air.

I opened my eyes and examined the room.

Attached to the other three walls were three levels of shelves. They looked to be about six inches thick, three feet deep, and made of plastic.

I reached out and touched one.

The bottom of the shelf felt hard and cold like steel. The top was squishy like a foam pad.

Are these bunk beds? I had never even considered the thought that aliens might need sleep. I shook my head. The gears in my mind started turning to grind out some kind of genius plan.

Outside the aliens were talking about something. Maybe they were trying to decide who was going to go back for more supplies. Worse yet, maybe one of them had seen me dive into this room and they were deciding how to kill me.

I holstered the pistol and pulled out the alien cutter. In the enclosed room, I’d probably do more damage with it.

Whatever the green jerks discussed, it took them about fifteen minutes. After that, I could tell that at least some of them were walking in my direction.

I flattened against the wall again, lifted the cutter to shoulder height, and waited.


Keep Reading! Chapter 54 is here.

 

Posted: May 13, 2011
Tags: Tags: ,
Category: fiction

Comments (5 Responses)

May 13th, 2011 Darcknyt

Hey, nice to see the new chapter today! We miss our intrepid hero when he’s away. Back to the sweaty, breathless pursuits of trying to find a way out of the alien hole!

Good action and some potent descriptions in this entry, bud. And only a few minor suggestions/typo fixes. Can’t wait for next week!

And now the part in which I make you cry or hate me, whichever…

======================

Okay, so the first thing I want you to do is search for a couple of things. “Had”, “has”, “was” and “were”. Find ‘em. Fix ‘em. Kill those “to be” verbs, baby, kill ‘em!

Then, do a search for “that”. I know it’s a common practice to use “that” for “which”, but it’s still wrong. Don’t make the mistake. Where the word can be cut, cut it and if the sentence seems okay, let it go. Otherwise, use “which” when you mean “which”. You’ll be glad you did. :)

======================

I hoped against hope that they were treating the alien I had stabbed nearby. After all, the bigger the crowd, the more potential bite victims, the bigger the panic.

I wondered how long it might be before Rhett and the alien I had stabbed turned into mindless fleshy virus-spreading machines.

There are two problems here. The first is, Corbin didn’t stab anyone. He bit the alien, as I recall, with a mouth full of virus. No stabbed aliens though. And the second is, you really don’t want to have the exact same descriptor used twice in a row like this. Change one of ‘em.

Rhett wobbled back and forth with his head hung low and his shoulders stooped.
Not a big deal here, but I’m not wild about using the word “stooped” for this description. Stooped implies bent over, something all of Rhett’s upper body might be doing, not his shoulders. DROOPED, okay, but not STOOPED.

The last pair of lanterns were placed pretty lose to the end of the hallway.
I think you mean “close” here.

I thought back and couldn’t remember seeing any actual doors since I stepped foot inside the alien base.
Okay, writer to writer, this is a peeve of mine. First of all, it’s a cliche, and you should NEVER use cliches, full-stop. NEVER. Second, the actual cliche isn’t “step foot”, it’s “SET foot” and I HATE, with a flaming purple PASSION, when people use a cliche and do it WRONG.

I recommend you cut this entirely. Cut everything between “I” and “inside” and you’re good. /Rant.

Did the aliens have something against privacy, or was it more the practical matter or moving breathable air around?
I think you mean “of” here.

Even with the element of surprise I didn’t think I could quickly and quietly take more than two at a time in the open hallway. I’m not a ninja.
Nope, he’s not a ninja. And, in fact, Rhett, who is MUCH bigger and stronger than Corbin, couldn’t manage against just ONE of them. That’s how he got infected, recall. So…what the heck has Corbin thinking he could take on TWO?! I don’t think so. And I doubt he’d forget so quickly.

The full cargo pockets on my pants whipped back an forth.
I think you meant “and”, but I think a better, less cliched phrase than “back and forth” could help here.

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Overall, very entertaining! I can’t wait for next week — and to see how you “harmonize” the pieces of the whole. :)

May 14th, 2011 rayman

bryce nice work we need more people writting online like you do.
that way we readers don’t run out of mateirial

p.s.
drknight do you happen to be an english teacher because i bet my freind 5 bucks you were

May 15th, 2011 DarcKnyt

Rayman — Sorry, bud, you’re out five bucks. I’m actually a technical support supervisor, doing some VB programming (occasionally, sometimes, maybe, if I can figure out how to do that), and helping my boss think I’m busy all day.

But, I am a fellow writer and Bryce has always been open to receiving my help on editing and strengthening his work for future publication.

I probably SHOULD have been an English teacher though. Or a lawyer. ;)

May 16th, 2011 DarcKnyt

Okay, I don’t know why I didn’t notice this when I wrote it, but I messed this up:

You wrote:
I thought back and couldn’t remember seeing any actual doors since I stepped foot inside the alien base.

Then I wrote:
…I recommend you cut this entirely. Cut everything between “I” and “inside” and you’re good.

And that’s wrong. What I MEANT was, cut all between DOORS to INSIDE, like this:

I thought back and couldn’t remember seeing any actual doors since I stepped foot inside the alien base.

THERE! Now I feel better. Sorry.

May 20th, 2011 Devin Obenshain

sup bryce. first off i got to tell u a like the new look to the webpage and what a clifhanger on the end of this chapter keep up the good work

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