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The Journey of St. Laurent, Chapter 57

Author’s note: For those of you who have never read any of the Journey Of St. Laurent before: You are now reading an online serial pulp novel. If you didn’t start at the beginning, you may want to do so.Chapter 1:  Down By The Bay. In fact, if you are new to the site, you probably want to start with the first novel, Oasis. If you want to know just as soon as I’ve posted something new, you can watch the RSS feed or follow me on Twitter.

57: Entrance No More

London bit her lip and shrugged. “I guess that’s as good a plan as any. I doubt we’d be able to find our way back to where we came in anyway.”

I extended a hand and let my finger brush against the wall. “Plus, things don’t get any better for us from here on out. We’re just going to get more tired, thirsty, and beat up the longer we stay down here.”

“Way to keep up the old positive attitude, Corbin.”

“Yeah, well, you know…”

I hadn’t noticed before, but now I saw the doorways that lined this hallway. There weren’t any strange bunks put in yet, but these were definitely meant to eventually become living quarters.

I stared at each doorway as we passed, wondering if there was an alien hiding inside. Sometimes, I could even convince myself that I saw eyes shining a reflection from London’s glow stick. I pulled my pistol from its holster. No reason to keep it put away.

“Where did it all go?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Where did all what go?”

“The mine couldn’t have had all these rooms before it was turned over to the not-so-little green men. They must have done a huge amount of excavating. Where did they haul it all?”

“Huh, I hadn’t thought about that. I guess I’m a little more concerned about what is still in here than what has been taken out of here.”

“I’m just trying to keep my mind from concentrating on how creepy this all is.”

I gave her a sideways glance with a smirk. “Creepy? Here I was thinking this was truly romantic portion of the date.”

“So now this is a date?”

“Yeah, I’m calling it ‘Crisis Dating’. It’s going to catch on huge. Just you wait.”

“So let me get this straight. In crisis dating, you rescue someone from a dangerous situation only to immediately put them in even more dangerous situations? And when you get to the most isolated, the most hopeless, the most bizarre situation possible, you call that the romantic part.”

“Well, I haven’t thought it all the way through yet, but yeah. Although I don’t think it has to start with a rescue.”

“So it’s pretty much the extreme version of a haunted house.”

“I think you’re catching the vision.”

We let the banter tail off as we approached the dimly lighted hallway.

We raised our guns and carefully turned the corner. The corridor had once been lit by at least a dozen lanterns. Now, only one of the lighted spheres remained. It lay half kicked in a few feet away. The rest had been carried off or crushed by the fleeing crowd.

I picked it up as we proceeded.

With only the one lantern and a glow stick providing lighting, the feel of this corridor had gone from weird and almost ceremonial to dangerous and menacing.

We strained to see into the shadowy spaces of the rooms on either side as we passed.

It took us what felt like an hour, but finally we reached the room where they had held London. The door was ajar.

I wondered whether I’d feel better if we found Rhett or if he had already shuffled away. I hesitated just one more moment, then pulled the big metal door open and stepped back.

No Rhett.

I can’t say exactly that I was relieved. The next time we saw him, if there was to be a next time, he would no longer be human. He’d be a virus-controlled walking corpse.

On the floor lay the shotgun shells I had dropped. Most had been stepped on and mangled, but London was able to quickly find four more that were still in useable condition.

I stuck my head in the room across the corridor, hoping to see where I had dropped the cutting device. No such luck.

We left our mess behind and turned the sharp corner, after which the tunnel cut back to the left.

A few cautious steps later, the corridor opened up into an immense cavern, big enough that the light coming from my puny lantern seemed to hardly reach the far side.

A slowly oozing silence blanketed the scene like something was out there stalking us.

I compulsively shivered for a moment.

Roundish supports raced up uneven and metal-coated walls and held up the strange criss-crossing beams that supported the high ceiling. A pile of boulders and rocks dominated the middle of the room. Crates, sometimes stacked three or four high, littered the room like a maze. Between these boxes and the pile of rocks, I couldn’t see much of what sat on the ground.

Anything could be out there.

From the corner of my eye, I saw London stretch and shake her hand before resuming her clench on the stock.

A few abandoned alien lanterns scattered throughout the room cast a web of shadows.

From what I could tell, the far wall was no more than a pile of twisted metal and rubble.

“Corbin, I think that’s-”

“The front door? Me too. At least it was.”

“Too bad, I don’t see any light-”

A groaning noise echoed around us.

“What was that?”

I lifted my left arm so I could brace my gun-holding hand’s wrist.

A second low moan crawled its way through the messy expanse. The noise sounded like it came from somewhere over to my right.

I glanced over at London for some kind of confirmation.

She nodded toward a pile of crates to our right.

We rounded the closest pile and saw nothing.

What is in all of these, anyway?

London caught sight of something in the shadows of the big stack ahead and pointed.

Is that a foot?

We tiptoed our way up to the stack and edged around the opposite side. I still don’t know why I thought I could sneak up on anybody while carrying that lantern. I guess that’s why I ended up as a nurse and not a Navy SEAL.

Just before we could spring around the corner, a bloodcurdling scream split the silence.

I lunged around the corner.

Three aliens lay on the floor. One was propped up against the container with its eyes rolled back and legs extended. One quivered in the fetal position. One knelt, hunched over and clutching its head.

That one has to be the screamer.

All three had visible bite wounds on their face or hands. Their skin seemed to take on a paler shade of green. It wouldn’t be long for any of them.

The kneeling alien looked up at me then vomited.

I hopped a step back.

A chunk of the crate nearest my head flashed and then disappeared with a harsh crack.

I ducked and spun.

Two more blasts tore into the pile of crates.

I stayed crouched.

London sprinted for the close wall to get a better shot.

Two alien guards stood partially obscured by crates and the cavern entrance.

I pointed my handgun directly at one of the green heads and squeezed the trigger.

The guard twisted and dropped its weapon. Must have hit him in the shoulder.

I scurried in an arc toward the center of the room and better cover.

White hot bursts of alien plasma flashed around me. One of the guards yelled instructions to the others.

I threw my self to my butt and skidded to a stop behind a large crate.

The shouting continued.

I peeked over the edge of the crate.

At least three more shots sizzled by my ears.

The two guards had only been the front of the pack. Now coming through the doorway were about fifteen guards. After their hasty retreat, they had obviously taken the time to get organized. It was possible they also had an idea of exactly what was going on with the virus. They might be in the cavernous room to take care of any further infection.

It was up to a redheaded schoolteacher and an ER nurse to see they didn’t succeed.

London’s shotgun blasted.

The flashes around my crate stopped for the moment.

I rolled and popped out to the right of my crate just far enough to take aim.


Keep Reading! Chapter 58 is here.

Posted: July 15, 2011
Tags: Tags: , ,
Category: fiction

Comments (9 Responses)

July 15th, 2011 DarcKnyt

W00t! Back to hanging cliffs and thrill-ride action! That Corbin never stops, and I’m lovin’ it!

Great job on this one, B. Very nice pace. Love the way you set this up, too. Slow, slow, slow, THENACTIONINYOURFACEANDYOUCAN’TKEEPUP! Awesome!

Very nice storytelling.

Cutting in the middle of the scene this way is nice once in a while, and here it works well. Just a cautionary note, though: ALL techniques get old if over-done.

Still, great job all around and I liked it.

July 15th, 2011 DarcKnyt

And now, on an unrelated and completely separated comment thread, I’ll offer editorial advice. I am, after all, the editorial equivalent of Dear Abby.

“Huh, I hadn’t thought about that. I guess I’m a little more concerned about what is still in here than what has been taken out of here.”

This is a stiff and sort of unnatural sentence, in its wording. Some contractions are used, but other natural ones have been dropped and it makes it read like Fun with Dick and Jane. I recommend I guess I’m a little more worried about what’s still here than what got hauled away,” or “I guess I’m more concerned with what’s been left than what’s been taken out.” Something like that. Just smooth out the language so it doesn’t read so much like dialog in a pulp novel.

Now, only one of the lighted spheres remained. It lay half kicked in a few feet away.

This is confusing, a little. The second sentence isn’t as clear as it could be. Now, only one of the half-crushed little globes glowed weakly a few feet away. Something like that might help clear the fog a bit.

A few cautious steps later, the corridor opened up into an immense cavern, big enough that the light coming from my puny lantern seemed to hardly reach the far side.

Cut one of these bolded phrases (“hardly” or “seemed to”) for concision’s sake. Both of them together are just weird. And it makes the paragraph clunky.

One was propped up against the container with its eyes rolled back and legs extended. One quivered in the fetal position. One knelt, hunched over and clutching its head.

I think you should change the last two instances of this to “another” and then “a third” to break up the use of “One” to start all three of those sentences.

Well, that’s about it for this installment. Like I said, nice work on this one, and I can’t wait for the next one!

July 26th, 2011 Devin Obenshain

great job on the chapter bryce. something for everyone to think about. will the aleins have the same symptoms of changing as a normal person. how fast will they change. and how strong will they be after the virus kicks in. du dun duuuun.

July 27th, 2011 Bryce Beattie

Devin, next chapter a couple of those questions will be answered.

August 1st, 2011 Tyler

Hey Bryce, finally got caught up again, sorry for the lengthy absence! Story is going great, really enjoying where this is going!

Tyler

August 9th, 2011 Mal

ooooo its getting good ^_^ Hurry I need to know what happens!

August 10th, 2011 coleslaw96Mo

When I started reading “Oasis” this past Sunday, I never would’ve thought that by Wednesday I’d be caught up and eagerly waiting for more, but, I am. It’s just that darned good! Corbin is a wonderful character, and, I like him even when he’s bein’ a dick. Great job, Mr. Beattie! This should, quite frankly, be a TV series.

August 12th, 2011 Bryce Beattie

A TV series, a movie, an action figure line, a musical – I’d be okay with any of those.

August 19th, 2011 Paranormal Activity 3

So whens the next update??? We need more!

Keep it up dude: )

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