Comments for Story Hack http://www.storyhack.com Action Adventure Fiction and Other Stuff from Bryce Beattie Wed, 10 Mar 2010 00:19:31 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 Comment on The Journey of St. Laurent, Chapter 30 by Tyler http://www.storyhack.com/2010/03/09/the-journey-of-st-laurent-chapter-30/comment-page-1/#comment-10676 Tyler Wed, 10 Mar 2010 00:19:31 +0000 http://www.storyhack.com/2010/03/09/the-journey-of-st-laurent-chapter-30/#comment-10676 Great chapter mate good to see you back in the game :) Great chapter mate good to see you back in the game :)

]]> Comment on The Journey of St. Laurent, Chapter 30 by DarcKnyt http://www.storyhack.com/2010/03/09/the-journey-of-st-laurent-chapter-30/comment-page-1/#comment-10674 DarcKnyt Tue, 09 Mar 2010 19:08:17 +0000 http://www.storyhack.com/2010/03/09/the-journey-of-st-laurent-chapter-30/#comment-10674 Oh, good to see this chapter up! How we've missed Corbin and his band of merry followers! Thank you for finding time to do this, Bryce. We genuinely love your entertaining work. And now, for the part you love most: <em>...so I just crawled the <strong>AM, FM, and shortwave</strong> bands on the little emergency radio my dad had given me. After two trips through the <strong>AM, FM, and shortwave</strong> dials I found ...</em> Repetition alert here. Just cut the second highlighted clause and you're good to go. <em>A man made virus. One that spreads itself by <strong>taking control</strong> killing the host’s brain and seizing control of its body...</em> I think the highlighted portion should be cut; just MHO, of course, but it's awkward right now. At the least a comma between the highlighted clause and the following clause would help. <em>"So you are going to try to meet up?" London bit her lip and I could tell she we making an effort to keep her voice down. "Is everybody there going to be nuts like the guy you were listening to? And wasn’t Alan Jex the jerk that drove you off his radio show?"</em> I honestly believe this ought to be one paragraph of dialog. Just looks that way to my eye. <em>Corbin, <strong>They’re</strong> a bunch of lunatics.</em> Capitalization problem there. <em>If I was wrong, though, and she really was opening <strong>her self</strong> up like that, well ...</em> "Herself" <em>Without another <strong>words</strong> and before I knew it...</em> Typo here. Another great installment, and I love the almost heroic ending with Corbin striding down the road alone and pondering again. Great job, bud. Oh, good to see this chapter up! How we’ve missed Corbin and his band of merry followers! Thank you for finding time to do this, Bryce. We genuinely love your entertaining work.

And now, for the part you love most:

…so I just crawled the AM, FM, and shortwave bands on the little emergency radio my dad had given me.

After two trips through the AM, FM, and shortwave dials I found …
Repetition alert here. Just cut the second highlighted clause and you’re good to go.

A man made virus. One that spreads itself by taking control killing the host’s brain and seizing control of its body…
I think the highlighted portion should be cut; just MHO, of course, but it’s awkward right now. At the least a comma between the highlighted clause and the following clause would help.

“So you are going to try to meet up?” London bit her lip and I could tell she we making an effort to keep her voice down.

“Is everybody there going to be nuts like the guy you were listening to? And wasn’t Alan Jex the jerk that drove you off his radio show?”
I honestly believe this ought to be one paragraph of dialog. Just looks that way to my eye.

Corbin, They’re a bunch of lunatics.
Capitalization problem there.

If I was wrong, though, and she really was opening her self up like that, well …
“Herself”

Without another words and before I knew it…
Typo here.

Another great installment, and I love the almost heroic ending with Corbin striding down the road alone and pondering again.

Great job, bud.

]]> Comment on Micro Flash Submissions Extended. by Bryce Beattie http://www.storyhack.com/2010/02/03/micro-flash-submissions-extended/comment-page-1/#comment-10670 Bryce Beattie Tue, 09 Mar 2010 15:32:18 +0000 http://www.storyhack.com/2010/02/03/micro-flash-submissions-extended/#comment-10670 Well, flash fiction is generally considered to be stories that are less than 1,000 words. I use the term "Micro Flash Fiction" to describe stories shorter than that. Well, flash fiction is generally considered to be stories that are less than 1,000 words. I use the term “Micro Flash Fiction” to describe stories shorter than that.

]]> Comment on Micro Flash Submissions Extended. by Lanzarote Travel Guide http://www.storyhack.com/2010/02/03/micro-flash-submissions-extended/comment-page-1/#comment-10667 Lanzarote Travel Guide Tue, 09 Mar 2010 12:06:42 +0000 http://www.storyhack.com/2010/02/03/micro-flash-submissions-extended/#comment-10667 What is Micro Flash? Can you please explain it in detail. What is Micro Flash? Can you please explain it in detail.

]]> Comment on The Journey of St. Laurent, Chapter 29 by Bryce Beattie http://www.storyhack.com/2010/02/19/the-journey-of-st-laurent-chapter-29/comment-page-1/#comment-10634 Bryce Beattie Fri, 05 Mar 2010 17:40:44 +0000 http://www.storyhack.com/2010/02/19/the-journey-of-st-laurent-chapter-29/#comment-10634 Today (Friday) or tomorrow sometime. Maybe during lunch at work today. It's getting close. Today (Friday) or tomorrow sometime. Maybe during lunch at work today. It’s getting close.

]]> Comment on The Journey of St. Laurent, Chapter 29 by Jim http://www.storyhack.com/2010/02/19/the-journey-of-st-laurent-chapter-29/comment-page-1/#comment-10633 Jim Fri, 05 Mar 2010 17:09:50 +0000 http://www.storyhack.com/2010/02/19/the-journey-of-st-laurent-chapter-29/#comment-10633 Well, you described him to a T. Gun racks in trucks, bumber stickers, his crazy ranting. lol Listen to his show sometime. He's got a free podcast and an iphone app if you have one. He comes off a little insane but everything he talks about is backed up by facts. I started listening to him after 9/11 and he totally changed my view of the world. And by the way, love the stories! Keeps me entertained at work. Now write the next chapter already!!! lol Well, you described him to a T. Gun racks in trucks, bumber stickers, his crazy ranting. lol

Listen to his show sometime. He’s got a free podcast and an iphone app if you have one. He comes off a little insane but everything he talks about is backed up by facts. I started listening to him after 9/11 and he totally changed my view of the world.

And by the way, love the stories! Keeps me entertained at work. Now write the next chapter already!!! lol

]]> Comment on Updates, Updates, Updates by Dave http://www.storyhack.com/2010/03/02/updates-updates-updates/comment-page-1/#comment-10628 Dave Fri, 05 Mar 2010 04:54:51 +0000 http://www.storyhack.com/2010/03/02/updates-updates-updates/#comment-10628 Even if you collect Diecast Toy Trucks for a hobby, if it becomes like a job, it probably has crossed that line. Hobbies often become like work if you put too much time into it. Even if you collect Diecast Toy Trucks for a hobby, if it becomes like a job, it probably has crossed that line. Hobbies often become like work if you put too much time into it.

]]> Comment on The Journey of St. Laurent, Chapter 29 by Nicole Carleton http://www.storyhack.com/2010/02/19/the-journey-of-st-laurent-chapter-29/comment-page-1/#comment-10624 Nicole Carleton Thu, 04 Mar 2010 22:46:19 +0000 http://www.storyhack.com/2010/02/19/the-journey-of-st-laurent-chapter-29/#comment-10624 Not to be a pest, but is there going to be a new chapter soon? I'm getting really antsy! ;) Not to be a pest, but is there going to be a new chapter soon? I’m getting really antsy! ;)

]]> Comment on The Journey of St. Laurent, Chapter 29 by Bryce Beattie http://www.storyhack.com/2010/02/19/the-journey-of-st-laurent-chapter-29/comment-page-1/#comment-10608 Bryce Beattie Wed, 03 Mar 2010 05:54:19 +0000 http://www.storyhack.com/2010/02/19/the-journey-of-st-laurent-chapter-29/#comment-10608 I've never actually listened to an Alex Jones show, so I wouldn't know enough about him to base a character after him, and I doubt I'd be able to pick him out of a lineup. I made Alan up with a specific purpose in the story and with qualities many popular talk show personalities have: very outspoken, a little condescending, occasionally rude, and very committed to a cause. Ok, so maybe the names are similar, too. ;) I’ve never actually listened to an Alex Jones show, so I wouldn’t know enough about him to base a character after him, and I doubt I’d be able to pick him out of a lineup. I made Alan up with a specific purpose in the story and with qualities many popular talk show personalities have: very outspoken, a little condescending, occasionally rude, and very committed to a cause.

Ok, so maybe the names are similar, too. ;)

]]> Comment on Updates, Updates, Updates by Bryce Beattie http://www.storyhack.com/2010/03/02/updates-updates-updates/comment-page-1/#comment-10606 Bryce Beattie Wed, 03 Mar 2010 05:37:57 +0000 http://www.storyhack.com/2010/03/02/updates-updates-updates/#comment-10606 Yes, it is indeed suspiciously like work. Yes, it is indeed suspiciously like work.

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